this feeling is ……….

i dun like feeling this way.
i dun wanna feel this way.
this feeling is disgusting.

i feel like crying.
i want to pour everything out to someone.
but who?

who will want to listen to aunty pam?
yea.. maybe i look alright.
but i dun exactly think i am.

this feeling is settling in me once again.
why?
get out of me.

i dun wanna feel this way.

oh God.. i need You. i wanna run back to You… help me O Lord….

i think i’m SHY.

it’s been ages since i last blogged! i apologise that i havent been blogging coz my com has been down! so now i’m using my mum’s laptop to type this entry! i’ll have to keep it short!

anyway.. as u can see from my title, i made this new discovery in school this week!! i realised that i’m really quite a shy person! and i oso realised that whenever i told anyone that i think i’m shy, they juz give me that super DIAO look. but honestly.. i think i’m shy. hee.

school’s been ok so far. got back most of my common tests results. not very good i suppose. i dun think i wanna take my A levels this yr!! =S but i’ve been doing my work!! been mugging since school started!! YAY!! all the way aunty pam!! i can do it!! WHEE!!

went for pizza outing with lu, owner, xinying and sheryl today!! it was GREAT!! enjoyed myself!! and of course, the company of those lovely girls too!! after which, we headed down to cafe cartel for dessert! YUMMY!! ate to my fullest!! hee. (: great day!!

anyway… cell’s multiplying this sunday!! AHH! so sad!! and i wanna make and buy sth for everyone!! but i got no money!! i’m really sad la!! it’s been a long time since i last made sth for the cell! i think maybe i’ll try to find the time to make sushi for all of them!! YAY!!

and frenship connection’s been great!! xinying went to church with me on the 2nd week of frenship connection! i must say that everything went pretty well!! hoping to bring her on 1st apr! hopefully she’ll come!! then she can witness all the miraculous healings for herself!! (: and i juz cant wait for this week to end!! i wanna go to church!!

so yup! that’s abt it!! anyway… sports day is coming up on 13 april!! it’s gonna be a busy month for everyone!! esp the house comm pple!! GO LYNX!! and did i tell u that i think my house com noms rock?? heehee. I LOVE LYNX!! all the way!! SHAMELESS!!!!!!!!!!

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

i’m a bee.
hear me buzz.
i weigh many times less than you.
and i will sting you if u move.

haha. tat’s the ‘im a cow here me moo’ song! i changed the lyrics. aint it cute! WHEE! haha. so anyway.. the spelling bee words are making me go a little cranky! i’m like going high each time i learn my 100 words a day! hee. but i’m still mentally stable alright! -beams-

i’m really busy this holidays. 1 week is way too short! i dun even feel like it’s hols! lets see…

mon: 6hrs of econs tuiton + bs with max
tues: spelling bee coaching session
wed: 4-5hrs of econs tuition + bs with sis jo (first vl lesson! WHEE!) + house comm camp (still deciding if i shld stayover)
thurs: study session + mahjong session at deorine’s house + dinner with emily and owner! (:
fri: haig’s girls camp facilitation
sat: haig’s girls camp facilitation + church!
sun: cell gp + spelling bee preliminary round! (:

as u can see… i’m packed during this hols! my schedule is CRAZY. i still need to study and on top of tat, 100 words a day for spelling bee! O Lord.. grant me the stength that i need and take away all my tiredness. grant me a good memory too so that i dun need spend too much time learning the words for spelling bee. thank You Lord! (:

holidays are always a time God uses to expand my capacity. it was like that last yr and this yr too! haha. (:

anyway.. i’m so busy i hardly got time to do up my blog properly too! so pple.. juz make do with this blog first. when i have the time, i’ll do up the profile and links and the pictures properly! just bear with it! (:

cell group on sunday was superb! msg was great. really great. it directed me back to putting my faith in God… trusting in Him that all things are possible with Him as long as i believe.. and that nth is impossible with God for there is always hope in Him. thank You Abba Father for turning situations that seem impossible around. thank You Abba Father for giving me hope.

after the msg, jo asked us to split up into 2s or 3s to share with each other wat we feel is impossible for us and then pray for each other. i shared with owner 3 things which i feel is getting quite impossible. and somehow, i dunno why… i juz broke down and cried. i guess i really felt so hopeless and helpless at that point of time. but really… i thank God for that msg during cell. it’s really time to build up my faith again.. to speak positive words into my life… to make positive confessions that all things are possible with God… that i will be the head and not the tail!

thank You Lord for being my Father. thank You Lord for being my redeemer.. my saviour.. my teacher… thank You Lord for encouraging me when i’m down… thank You Lord for telling me that all things are possible for those who love You. thank You Lord…. my world will juz collapse without You in my life! (:

a wonderful saturday! (:

yay!! juz came back fm church!! WHEE!! (:

anyway.. went to haig’s girls school this morning for a briefing on this leadership camp that i will be facilitating this coming fri and sat. the briefing went quite well.

and i gave xinying the chocolate that i kop-ed from the chocolate fountain during house function ytd!! i gave her ritter sport cornflakes and another of my fav choc tgt with lots of free complimentary sweets fm the house function!! heehee. gave owner the chocolate from the chocolate fountain too!! YAY!! (:

went for lunch at some famous prawn mee stall tgt with sheryl, owner, and xinying. the prawn mee was YUMMY!! but i had gastric pain! so cldnt eat much!! BOO……………… ):

headed down to st nicks fun fair tgt with xinying after that. at first i didnt want to go coz it was rather late and i had to go to church. but well.. both xy and i fell aslp in the bus and poof! we missed our bus stop! so in end, we decided to juz go to the fair! i had coupons anyway.. so yup!

the fair was good. i muz say that the publicity muz have been superb! coz there were MANY MANY pple. and frankly speaking, i dun like crowds! esp when the place is SO SMALL.. u have to squeeze ur way ard! but crowds in church is obviously a different thing! heehee.

anyway.. i didnt really see many old gals fm my batch. or maybe that’s becoz i went to the fair late. oh wells. and i felt like i was bringing a small gal to the funfair!! xy looked like she will get lost in the crowd any moment. haha.

we bought cookie, cotton candy, fruit stick with chocolate and CHUROS!!! (i think that’s how u spell it? haha) WHEE!! I LOVE AND SIMPLY CRAVE FOR CHUROS!! YUM YUM!! the cinnamon sugar is like WOW!! hee. and xy loved it too!!

headed down to xy’s house to bathe. and I LOVE HER TOILET!! haha. got so many different types of shampoo and soap for me to choose from!! heehee. and that gal was so sweet!! while i was bathing, she wrote me a short and sweet note and gave me a packet of chocolates too! which reminds me, i have to put the chocs in the fridge! they are melting!!

went to church. met weiling on the way. had a really good chat with her. nv knew that i cld tok so much with her! hee. and i got high when i reached church!! so happy!! YAY!! (:

frenship connection weekend went well. samantha (tarence’s fren) responded to altar call!!! PTL!! and i tot the msg was good too. i was really touched by the whole svc that i nearly teared! esp when this sister (dunno wat’s her name. hee) sang this song! it was AWESOME!! and while she was singing, there were images being flashed on the screen, one of which was on the crucification of Christ on the cross. was really touched by that!

fellowshipped after that! went for spelling bee briefing!! i’m really excited for this competition!! and i’m really really looking forward to it!! i really hope to make it pass the quaterfinals at least! so yup! keep me in prayers! hee.

went back to burger king to fellowship with the cell. samantha was really cute! hope to see her back during cgm tmr!! hee. it was a great time fellowshipping!! WHEE!! and i’m starting on my vl bs this coming week!! having it with sister josephine!! heehee. so exciting!! YAY!!

oh ya!! and before i go off to bathe and study for spelling bee.. i juz wanna thank God for my fantastic maths result!! i got an A!! PTL!! wanna share testimony tmr!! heehee. so yup!

thanx LION and SAMANTHA for the cab ride home!! (:

and to you… plse tell me wat’s going on. i really wanna noe.

T-I-R-E-D

i’m tired tired tired tired. tired beyond wat words can describe. ok.. i’m officially launching the opening of this blog despite the fact that i havent done up the links and profile page. but i’m too tired to do tat. pple.. plse give me the links to all ur blogs. i’ve lost them. yup!

Lord.. give me the rest that i need. i really need to like re-energise myself. i dunno wat’s wrong. i’m really tired.

econs test was finally over. essay was ok. mcq was a try-my-luck game. and case study was a test of my crapping skills. i taking econs only becoz my mum wants me to. i have to find a way to fall in love with that subject or else it’s gonna be 9 mths of struggle for me with econs. -pouts-

and house function is tmr!! ALL VICTORIANS!! ESP LYNX AND DRACO HOUSE MEMBERS… PLSE DO COME FOR HOUSE FUNCTION TMR!! it’s from 5-8pm at the concourse! see all of u there!!

and i’m so glad that we finally got our house comm nominees settled! I LOVE FELICIA!! she’s so cute. haha. i’ll elaborate more abt wat happened tmr or sth. until then.. may God bless all of u! (:

DEPRIVED.

i nv knew that i could be so deprived of blogging! AH!! all diary-x fault!! WHY MUZ IT CRASH?? all my 165 entries… they are all gone juz like that. they are really really very extrememly precious entries.. entries abt my spiritual life.. entries abt how God first touched me…etc etc. sigh. when i finally got a blog which blog faithfully… the whole system juz has to crash! grr…………… and here i am spending loads of time trying to do up my blog once again.

alrights.. enough of complaining! hee. so anyway.. i juz realised that i missed blogging SO SO SO EXTREMELY MUCH!! and i nv knew that… i came to realise that blogging is my source of expressing my point of view.. esp with wateva that i’m facing now. when few pple want to listen to wat i have to say… i guess blogging is my only way out. so YAYNESS!! finally got my blog again!!

there’s so much to blog abt. but i guess i shall juz start blogging abt my life from tmr onwards. if not.. given my naggy, long-winded and aunty character, i do not noe where to start from. haha.

but in short,
common tests — horrible

campus outreach — moderate. but things are looking good! (: -beams-

house com norminees interview — lynx applicants simply ROCK!! GO LYNX!!

spiritual life — maintaining there. havent been doing proper qts coz of tests. but now that tests are over, except for econs, i wanna run back to God!! (:

others — i’m going to have econs and GP tuition. 2 tuitions slapped right at my face! can u imagine that??? ):

pastor ulf’s service — AA –> ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!!

that’s all for now! (: