im coming back to the heart of worship

HEART OF WORSHIP

When the music fades
All is stripped away
And i simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that’s of worth
That will bless Your heart

I’ll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You’re looking into my heart

I’m coming back to the heart of worship
And it’s all about You
it’s all about You Jesus
I’m sorry Lord for the thing i’ve made it
When it’s all about You
it’s all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
And through all these years
All i have is Yours
Every single breath

WOW! i nv understood the true meaning of this song until i sang it during my qt ytd! ((((((:

so many many times we wanna do this for God.. do that for God… we want to bring Him sth that’s of worth… but often, we get too carried away in wanting to do so many things for God that we fail to realise that actually.. all God wants is OUR HEART.

i’m not saying that it’s not good to serve God! i’m more than happy to be a servant of God! so plse dun get me wrong!!!!!!!!!! hee. wat i’m trying to say is that we shldnt reach a point when we are serving God juz becoz it’s like a routine to us.

and i really like what the second stanza says… ” i’ll bring You more than a song… for a song in itself… is not what You have required… You search much deeper within… through the way things appear… You’re looking into my heart…”

notice that right after the second stanza, the next line reads “i’m coming back to the heart of worship…” i dunno how to say this… but as i sang this song… i really understood wat the songwriter meant. many times i slip into a point when worshipping God, to me, is juz singing a song.. and maybe even singing loudly.

but i’ll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself, is not wat You have required.

indeed worship isnt the songs that u sing… I AM A WORSHIP LEADER. worship comes from MY HEART.

You search much deeper within, through the way things appear, You’re looking into my heart.

as i sang that line, God spoke to me and told me that all He wanted was MY HEART. my heart is so impt to Him that nth else meant more to Him than my heart.

and when the songwriter wrote “i’m coming back to the heart of worship…” i could fully understand wat he meant becoz often, my worship for God did not come from my heart. but now… it does.

in the still silence, it can still be worship. it does not have to be singing aloud. but juz deep reverence for our Lord and Saviour. just enjoying His presence and all you think abt at that point of time is nth but God… to thank Him for everything He has done… to honour Him… to love Him…

sometimes… we juz rush thru our quiet time… take His presence for granted… but God reminded me of this verse…

Psalms 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God…”

YES! be still! coz God’s spirit is gentle on us… ((:

i noe wat it is like to worship God in dead silence… but yet… i do not feel scared in the room at all… becoz my worship for Him, came from the innermost of my heart… and becoz His perfect love for me has filled the room. perfect love casts out all fear. and yes.. i love that silence!

indeed… like wat i said in my previous entry… worship isnt worship when God is not first.

i dunno if u readers understand wat i’m trying to say.. haha. but i think as long as i understand and i caught in my spirit wat God wanted to tell me, it’s good enough! hee.

it feels really good to be receiving from God!

i’m coming back to the heart of worship O Father…

POWER QT!! (:

REFUGE
I SING A LOVE SONG TO YOU LORD
EVERY DAY EVERY NIGHT
TELL OF YOUR GOODNESS AND MERCY

TELL THE WORLD HOW YOU RESCUED ME
PICKED ME UP FROM SIN AND SHAME
YOUR BREATH GIVES ME NEW LIFE

WHERE CAN I GO FROM YOUR PRESENCE
UNDER YOUR WINGS I TAKE REFUGE
YOUR SPIRIT LIVES WITHIN MY HEART
I KNOW WE’LL NEVER BE APART

EVERY DAY I DRAW CLOSER TO YOU LORD
I LONG TO SEE YOUR FACE
AND HIDE IN YOUR EMBRACE
ALL MY LIFE
DWELLING IN YOUR HOLY PLACE
MY HEART O LORD YOU’VE CHANGED
I’LL NEVER BE THE SAME

i really feel so loved by God!!! (: I LOVE YOU TOO MY DEAREST DADDY GOD!!!

QT was juz so AWESOME today!! i sang REFUGE for worship and it was juz so WOW!! God spoke to me today! and i’m really so happy!! as i worshipped God, i was reminded of wat Dr AR Bernard preached abt God wanting to restore the intimacy He once had with mankind.

and this is the ultimate!! God then told me that He wants to be intimate with me! and WOW!! the presence of God and His love juz saturated my room!!! i felt so touched.. so loved… tears juz came rolling down my cheeks. i weeped in the presence of God.. telling God how much i love Him.

indeed.. worship isnt worship when God is not first.

and as i continued to worship God, He spoke to me again. He told me not to worry abt my studies. becoz He alr has plans for me. the time that i spend with Him, He will multiply it back for me!! becoz.. i chose to seek Him and put Him first. ALRIGHT MAN!!! COOL!!!

and as i read the bible today, God showed me verses upon verses. one which particularly struck me was psa 37:4 “delight urself also in the LORD, and He shall give u the desires of ur heart.”

AMEN!

quickie quick !

thank you all for the well wishers for my GP paper tmr!! thanx for keeping me in ur prayers too! hee.

GP prelim paper starts tmr!! WOOHOO!! i feel extremely relaxed! i dunno why.. must be the peace of God! heeehee.

cell group meeting was awesome today! lifted everything up to God! all my anxieties and worries… His love juz surrounded me as we worshipped God… (:

honestly… i dun feel worried abt prelims actually… it’s rather weird coz i was juz so stressed out abt a mth ago.. and juz 2 weeks away fm my other papers, i feel the least worried! haha. thank God!! been confessing positively and telling myself that i’m made more than a conqueror!! ALRIGHT MAN!!

tho sudden bursts of worrying still do get to me, i lift them up to God almost immediately! im still believing and trusting God that i will reap wat i sow!

besides, i have close to 7 weeks after prelims to prepare for A’s!! hee.

looks like it’s another transition period.

the only thing constant is change…. (:

i’m excited and looking forward to wat God has planned….

randomness.

i’ve been going swimming for the past few mths. both for losing weight and de-stressing. and of course! to get a tan!! DDDD

i realise that old pple are learning how to swim too!! i saw this old lady learning how to swim today! so cute la! wanted to help her. but like quite weird eh. and i realise that there’s in fact quite a number of old pple in my estate learning how to swim! quite cool leh. didnt noe that!

i once met this old lady who was really passionate abt learning how to swim! she started toking to me and asked me who taught me how to swim! my DADDY of course! and she said i swam well. hehehehehehehe. DDDDDDDDDDD

as i was walking back to my house after swimming, i saw this really cute dog! wat made it even cuter was that its owner made it wear shoes to walk!! SO CUTE!!! black colour shoes some more. small and cute! like baby shoes like that! heehee.

bball outreach this sunday! dunno if i shld go. maybe i shall go for a while. play badminton too!! YAY!! someone plse bring racketSSSSS!!! i wanna play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

yanling and alex getting baptised this sat!! WOOHOO!!! so happy for them!!!! DDDDD i shall go and buy 10kg of salt!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA. but i’m nice. so maybe not 10kg. hee.

i’m getting bored of studying. boooooooooooooooooo. pouts. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

went serangoon central macs to study with jocelyn, fen and jenn. i fell aslp. jenn and fen bought me boost chocs!! YAYY!!! i wonder how they noe that’s my fav choc!

jenn walked me home after studying till 2am coz i was scared to walk home alone after hearing jocelyn’s encounter! furthermore, jenn went on to tell me that if i were to be in jocelyn’s position, i wouldnt noe either and i might juz scream and freak out! HAHA. true la.

and my sillies increased to an infinity alr! i’m amazed that even without talking, my sillies can still increase! wat amazes me even more was the fact that before meeting jenn and fen, i told jocelyn that i prophesy over my sillies that it will hit a thousand in less than 2 weeks! but in less than one day, from 200, it hit infinity!! i’m the ultimate winner! i deserve a trophy!! DDDD

if i start working and my promotion comes at such a rate, i’ll be very rich in no time! ))))))

physics is yucky! it feels like i’m taking medicine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chem is no better!! but thank God i have such a wonderful and helpful chem teacher!! and thank God for jo who is a chem teacher too!!
I MISS DOING MATHS!!! MY BEST FREN!!!!!!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’ve been neglecting this poor fren of mine!! i’m deprived of doing maths!!!
econs is good! i’m improving according to my tuition teacher! we shall see during prelims.

and pat leong is the laziest teacher ever!! -pouts-

i made yummy-licious waffles again today!! yummy yummy yummy i’ve got love in my tummy and i feel like loving u!

sporeans have no standard in choosing their ideal spore idol!! nurul’s out today! mathilda out last week!! LIKE HELLO?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!? jokaim (dunno how to spell his name and i cant be bothered) DOES NOT deserve a place in the top 5!!! HE SHLD BE OUT OUT AND OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! he cant sing la. and he’s not exactly nice looking either.

i think i have sth agst guys. ahahaha.

oh wells.

this marks the end of my really random entry.

to do physics now… or not to do……………………….

in short !

AWESOME POWER-PACKED WEEKEND!!
AR BERNARD is so wise and intelligent! i’m juz too slow for him. i cant exactly get the jokes he crack la! -pouts-
spiritually renewed! (: i felt the impartation during svc! AWESOME!!

God is a God of order and a God of patterns! everything follows a pattern!!
information –> mind –> beliefs –> self-esteem –> actions –> results –> habits –> SUCCESS OR FAILURE!!
so… to deal with the outcome of wat u do, u need to first deal with ur source of information!
applies to all students out there who are mugging for exams!

feeling the peace of God. not so anxious and worried and stressed now! coz i noe that when i was made, God has ‘downloaded’ all the information that i need to perform to my max potential! AMEN! (: i’m so glad i didnt miss a single AR Bernard svc! i really believe that i can do it now! AMEN and AMEN!!

things are working out. been toking to my sis! YAYY!!

God always makes things work out for us! was toking to my senior. she actually asked me how’s my studies coming along when i’ve not toked to her for AGES! and she gave me tips on how to study my dreadful physics! AWESOME!! and ter Q gave me some website for studying tips too!! AWESOME!!

God is good all the time.. and all the time.. God is good!!

missing mugger buddies! but i guess it’s really more productive studying at home! oh wells. after exams, we will reunite to go out and celebrate our SUCCESS! (:

i love e310!! they are precious to me! and really… they are… EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. plse do not run away but tell us wat happened. tell someone. need not be me. juz dun avoid us. we are all worried.

H-E-L-P !!!

i seriously have the worst physics teacher one can ever have in vj! *ROARS*
GRRRRRRRRRRRR…….. =(
who can help me with physics???

I NEED HELP.. I SERIOUSLY NEED HELP….

any kind soul willing to help me?

my brain needs to work more. it’s too slow. way too slow. RAHHHHHH!!!!!!

new song ! (:

FIRST
I love, because You first loved me
I give, because of what You gave
You died, showed me how to live
Your mercy taught me to forgive

You came and pour Yourself so free
Your blood washed away my shame
And now I can live again
I’m More of You and
Less of me.

My First Love
forever You will be
My First Breath
You’re the Life in me
My First Joy
the world can never take from me
My Covenant with You
Jesus

Your Love falls down
Your Love falls down
Your Love falls down over me.

TONNES. poof !

am i to feel worried or shld i not?
seriously… i do not noe!!
i have abt 3-4 weeks more before my papers start! and i have TONNES of chapters to finish studying!

4 subjects = 100++ chapts = 2000++ pages !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW HOW HOW?!?!!??!!!!!

ok.. i admit. I AM WORRIED.

I DUN WANNA FAIL ANY OF MY SUBJECTS!!!!

O God… help my unbelief. plse help me… i need TONNES and TONNES of Your help O Father. HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP……………………………………

like wat jenn said, i’m gonna confess that my God is bigger than my notes! He is almighty! the King above all kings.

I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR IN CHRIST! AMEN!!!!!!!!

i need to confess positively. i need to i need to i need to. but confessing is not all abt juz saying.. but it’s saying it WITH conviction and faith!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

poof.

and i did sth silly today that made me earn a whooping promotion of 50 sillies by jenn!
i cried alrights. if u wanna noe wat i cried abt… HAHA. ask me. see if i’ll tell u. come to think of it… it was really silly! haha.

oh wells. i’m off to bed now. my eyes can hardly open.

no more econs anymore. if i cont reading, i’ll juz fall aslp. might as well juz sleep. tmr wake up earlier to study some before going for tuition.

plse help me.. save me… i’m drowning in a sea of notes.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

M&M = MUGGER ME !! (:

studying has suddenly become much more enjoyable tho doing the past yr qns has been rather demoralising. i still cant do MANY qns despite the fact that i’ve read thru my notes!!! *ROARS*

but the fact that i’m slowly taking delight in studying has been quite motivating! haha.

and i realise that i’m a home mugger! not an outside mugger! in others words, it’s more productive for me to study at home! for eg, ytd i finished organic chem notes and did some past yr qns. i attempted on the organic chem tutorial set by mr chok but it was too difficult i couldnt identify any of the compds!! GRR. i even had the time to join my dearest cell group guys at the bball court near my house! not that i played bball with them, but rather, i played badminton!! WHEE!!!!!!! i seriously miss the feeling of holding on to the racket and juz playing!! i went swimming too! and i watched my fav tv show! hee. after which i did econs! ((((((:

today was even much more productive! even tho i only conquered one set of econs notes, but it was productive studying coz i wrote my own summary plus i did an econs essay on my own! i’m gonna write another one once i log off. gonna pass them to mr ng to mark! (: i went swimming juz now! and even rewarded myself with a chocolate waffle and a cup of chocolate ice blend!

i really really love chocolates! i suddenly had this funny tot… wat happens if i ate too much chocolate? will i become as brown coz all the coco powder in the chocolate will diffuse in my blood stream! HAHA. oh wells. i realised that i’ve grown darker! and i looked as brown as the chocolate ice blend i drank! hence that really random tot! haha. sometimes i really wonder how my brain works. so amusing. hee.

and before i go, these are my goals for PRELIMS!!!
A – maths
B – econs
C – physics and chem!!!

all the way pam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can do it!! there’s power when u confess! and God will do according to wat i imagine!! AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

poof!

I LOVE CHC !!! (:

I HAVE TO BLOG ABT THIS!! I HAVE TO I HAVE TO I HAVE TOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

ytd was a VERY (x1000000000000000000) SPECIAL OCCASION!!! not only was it CHC’s 17th anniversary, but it was also my very FIRST ANNIVERSARY WITH GOD!!!!!! WHEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! u can nv imagine how happy and excited i was ytd!!! (((((((((: so to speak, i’m spiritually one yr old!! ytd was juz like my spiritual birthday!! WHEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haha. SO HAPPY!!!

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY CITY HARVEST!!!

and of course, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!:D

each time the church grows by one yr, i grow spiritually by a yr too!!! HOW COOL CAN THAT GET LA!! hee.

so… one yr has passed since i last gave my life to God. it’s really amazing how eventful this one yr with God has been. i nv expected myself to be able to stay in church and at the same time growing spiritually in God for a yr! and of course, there will be even much much more yrs with God to come!

i still rmb that last yr on that very day, jo sat nx to me during the svc. and nv did i noe she was the cell group leader! and i still rmb when i said the sinner’s prayer, i didnt noe that by doing so, i have actually converted. and that very day, i didnt noe God was in my life! haha. i juz blur-ly said the prayer and from then on, my love for God nv ceased! of course, i still rmb that we were singing the song ‘Holy’… and this was the part of the song that really captured my heart “move in me.. change my life… Jesus i give You all…” as i sang those words, my heart juz melted and i teared. i juz needed somebody somewhere to change that unsatisfying and unfulfilled life of mine. and that person i needed was God. (:

God has been good to me. He’s always so faithful and i’m really thankful for all the many things He has done for me! and more than that, i thank Him for this life that i’m living. i thank Him for planning out my life for me. my God is juz simply an awesome God!

and ytd, i juz kept going round declaring to SOOOOOOOO MANY pple that i’m one yr old!! heehee. jo was so cute!! she sang me a birthday song! and she even msged me after fellowship to congratulate me for being in church for a yr! WHEE!! (: THANX JO!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

but the surprise really came when ancestor suddenly called me before svc ytd juz to wish me for being one yr in church!! i was SUPER HAPPY!!! and of course, PLEASANTLY SURPRISED too!!!! nv knew that ancestor could rmb!! tot he old alr ah… haha. but i was really really happy!! made my day!! and i miss ancestor so much la!!! ANCESTOR ROCKS!!

svc ytd was simply awesome too!! the WHOLE INDOOR STADIUM WAS PACKED!! WOW!! haha. it was really very heartwarming to see everyone gathering tgt to praise and worship God and to celebrate our church’s birthday too!

the tribute to pst kong was really touching. and the video on how our church grew was heartwarming. and the church conversation and pst kong’s conversation with sun via dunno wat (haha) was really funny and just as heartwarming too!!

the atmosphere of love was juz so great ytd. it’s really the pure and simple love that we have for each other that really separates us from the world. and a simple 4 letter word LOVE can really say alot. when we sang the song ‘that’s wat frens are for’ before svc ended, i juz teared. i dunno why. but i juz felt so loved… like we are really one BIG BIG BIG FAMILY.

i could nv understand why jenn loved CHC so much when i first came. but unknowingly, my love for the church grew stronger and deeper as the mths passed. and ytd, my love for chc was taken to a whole new level. i can boldly say now that i’ll do anything for this church… i’ll do anything to serve this house of God. if only spore had a mountain, i’ll go up there and shout my love for chc as loudly as i can until my lungs burst i oso dun care. but since there isnt a mountain, i really wanna declare my love for chc on the web!!!

here goes… CITY HARVEST!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PST KONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pst kong and sun are juz really amazing man and woman of God! i dunno wat to say but my heart is full of admiration for them!

and of course to my precious E310… I LOVE YOU GUYS TO BITS AND PIECES AND ATOMS AND MOLECULES TOO!! and to the former E310… U GUYS ARE NOT FORGOTTEN!! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU ARE REALLY PRECIOUS TO ME! I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO!!!

and not forgetting some pple whom i really wanna point out…

thank you JO for being such a WONDERFUL WONDERFUL leader…. thank you for watching over me during this one yr and thank you so much for all the sacrifices u’ve made for me. i can nv imagine wat my life would be like without having u in my life! thank you for always listening to me and making me feel so loved. i really thank God that He has placed u in my life… I LOVE YOU!!!

thank you YANLING for being such a wonderful sister to me! i think u’ve heard me cry the most over the phone and i’m really paiseh for that! hee. but really… i thank God for u! ur always watching over me too… and making sure that everything’s going fine for me. u nv fail to lend me ur listening ear and u’ve nv failed to brighten up my day! ur more than a fren… more than a sister to me… thanks gal… for everything that u have done! ur simply da BEST!!! I LOVE YOU!!

thank you JENN for being such an inspiration to me! thank you for all the times when u have challenged me! and thank you for always toking to me online! i guess that’s when we really shared or rather… u really shared a lot to me! and tho we are in different cell now, but i still feel so loved by u! thanks alot for everything! u’ve touched me in that really special way of urs! and ur precious to me!! even tho u call me silly x8! hee. I LOVE YOU TOO!!!

thank you GIDEON for being another wonderful source of inspiration!!! ur such a dear ancestor to me!! ur love for the pple around me has really touched me. and no matter how busy u are, u always make the time to press into other pple’s lives! i’ll nv forget the times when u called me and how we both shared over the phone! and tho i noe u are busy with stuff at camp, u will always make time juz to listen to me and to give me advice! u’ve really impacted my life ALOT ALOT and i thank God for you! I LOVE YOU ANCESTOR!!

thank you MEL for being my MOST MOST MOST (x1000000000000000000000) AWESOME TREE and OWNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tho i always whine at you in school… u have been really tolerant! thanx! hee. and thank you so much for juz being there for me whenever i needed someone in school to listen to all my rantings. but above all, thank you so much for bringing me to church! if not for you, i would have not been able to join this wonderful spiritual family! u are the KEY CHARACTER in my life u noe!! hee. thanx for everything!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

last but not least, thank you MAX for being such a SUPERB brother! and of course, for being my very FIRST BIBLE STUDY TEACHER!! thanx alot for everything! tho u were busy preparing for ur A’s last yr, u still made the time to give me bs. ur willingness to go that extra mile for ur members have really touched and inspired me to do the same for my members too! and even tho sometimes i make fun of u, i really still do respect u as my bs teacher!! thank you so much for all the times u gave me advice!! I LOVE YOU TOO!!

thank God for these really wonderful pple! i dunno wat my life would have been like without first having to meet them when i started out my walk with God! (:

and of course, to both past and present E310, thanx for being juz who all of u really are! thank you for that genuine and pure love that u guys have shown towards me! (: