disappointed

today, i cried. HAH.

just as wat the title of my entry says, i was very very disappointed by quite a few things that pple did. u, u and u.. or basically all of u are not sensitive to my feelings, do not understand me and never ever thought of how much effort i put in…

but in particular, i was really upset because of this. well, when u like it, u reply my msg. when u dun like it, u dun reply my msg. when u like it, u pick up my calls. when u dun like it, i call u a million over times, and u still wont pick up my calls. i keep trying to contact u.. but HEY!!! U DUN EVEN BOTHER TO REPLY MY MISS CALLS OR MSGS. ok, nvm. maybe ur phone wasnt with u or wat… but the moment SOMEONE ELSE msgs u, OH MY GOSH! u immediately replied in a SPLIT SECOND!!!

now now now, wat is this? wat are u trying to do here? wat are u trying to prove? my calls and my msgs, do they not mean anything to u????

let me tell YOU, i was SO disappointed with u that i CRIED. yes, i CRIED BECOZ OF YOU. i hope u could WAKE UP YOUR IDEA. i’m on the verge of just giving up and letting u be. if u wanna cont to be like this, then so be it.

i can touch my heart and boldly say that my conscience is clear. i tried my best. i made time for u.. but looks like u dunno wat it means to reciprocate and to be appreciative, grateful and thankful.

i nearing the point where i wanna wash my hands off this whole thing. goodbye.

haha! i found this at one of the NUS student group websites promoting flowers for v day! haha.

Bouquets
3 stalks (I love you) – $25
6 stalks (I want to be yours) – $38
7 stalks (I’m infatuated with you) – $42
9 stalks (An eternal love, as long as we love) – $48
11 stalks (You are my treasured one, the one I love most in my life) – $50
12 stalks (Be my girlfriend/boyfriend) – $55
13 stalks (Secret Admirer) – $58
20 stalks (Believe me, I am sincere towards you) – $74
24 stalks (Can’t stop thinking about you, 24 hours everyday) – $85
99 stalks (I will love you forever, as long as I live) – $199

haha! i never knew that the number of stalks of roses in a bouquet actually means something! i wonder how big is a 99-stalk bouquet! haha.

BELIEVE!

it’s been quite some time since i cried like the way i did ytd in the presence of God.

pastor shared a short but VERY POWERFUL word during leaders meeting and i was truly very tremendously blessed by it.

as we sang the song My Life, Your Song for worship, the line that says “unafraid, wat’s ahead…” hit me hard like how it did during svc last week. but this time, the line carried a whole new meaning after hearing the word.

from the depths of my heart, i cried out to God that i never wanna be apart from Him. from the depths of my heart, i told God i never wanna do anything alone but every step of the way, i want Him to guide me and to be by my side.

and it seemed like as tho all the tears that i’ve been bottling up the past 1-2 months just came out during ytd’s meeting. i cried and cried like a kid who has lost his parent.

God reminded me of the verse which He gave me at the start of the year. Mark 9:23 “if you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes”. and this verse was in line with the word that pastor shared.

then God spoke during the meeting and told me that sometimes, believing is really abt US. because we noe for a fact that God is always there for us and God will definitely help us to see us thru difficult situations. and we know and we know that God and us make up the majority. but yet, sometimes, the believing part, the obeying-wat-God-has-said part, the stepping-out-in-faith part is all abt US! it’s really abt us wanting to make that decision to believe wholeheartedly what God has spoke!

there and then, it came like as tho it was a revelation to me. the problem doesnt lie with God, but the problem lies with us (or rather, me) not being able to believe.

as i type this entry, i still feel like crying. God truly did touch my heart ytd and i noe that i touched His too.

God, i pray for faith within me to arise like never before! i noe that it can be done and it shall come to pass! AMEN!