i’m sorry if i cant be that perfect person u want me to be.

im trying really hard to respect u for who u are becoz i noe that God placed u in my life not by accident, but for a purpose. but plse do try to understand that we are HUMANS, not God, and hence, we are IMPERFECT.

God is everywhere. He sees EVERYTHING that we do. but you dont. simply becoz u are NOT God. we are nothing, but juz pple who have fallen short of the glory of God and trying really hard to walk in the image of Christ. plse do not jump to conclusions juz becoz u think things are juz the way u think it is. have u ever sought to clarify?

so how exactly do u noe wat we have done?
just one mistake on our part OVERWROTE every good deed that we have done. that’s human nature i suppose. it’s really saddening i juz feel like crying.

God… i need You so badly in my life. i need You i need You i need You i need You i need You. im weak but only in You am i strong. where have i gone wrong? see the desires of my heart O Lord… that i really wanna walk so much closer with You… just like wat one song says ‘closer than every breath that i take’… Lord.. . i want You.
i need that breakthru and i noe that sth is hindering me from moving on. an invisible wall.

things i’ve done have maybe gone to waste. sometimes… just once in a while.. i admit i do need a little recognition. i guess all of us do. it’s encouraging juz to noe that pple appreciate u and that’s why i make it a point to show how much i appreciate the pple around me.

how do u noe tat we do not care? on wat basis do u say that?
i can understand that when one is angry, we say things without thinking rationally coz i admit that i’m like that too. but as far as i noe, there is a maximum as to how much i can tolerate listening to all ur not-so-edifying words.

i keep quiet when u rattle on. but that doesnt mean i approve of everything that u say. i keep quiet juz so that i can avoid every argument with you becoz i noe and fully understand that given such a situation, if i were to open my mouth, words that come out will be nth else but plain unpleasant and unkind. but every word that u say, it cuts my heart so deeply inside. i’m hurt. but i juz do not want to show u. why cant we ever tok things out nicely? why?

i noe the Bible says to honour ur parents and i’m really trying hard to. not juz to plse u but also to plse my Father in heaven.

but many times i juz feel like saying that the bible oso says this “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

i guess this verse speaks the tonnes of emotions that are in me now.
enough is said.
i rest my case into God’s hands.

randomness. i like! =P

the cover page of my notebook!! STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!! so cute right?!? I LIKE!!! 😀

peipei + edmund = pei-mund (payment) i think the both of them look really good!! dun u agree?

my small little note to my beloved grandfather who is still in hostpital. plse keep him in prayers! i thank u on his behalf! (:

ONE FOR ONE!! guess where i went?!?! I WENT TO BILLYBOMBERS on mon tgt with mel and zhiyong! and they definitely did bomb us with 4 HUMONGOUS burgers!! no more burgers for me! but i have to admit that they do serve really nice burgers!! YUM YUM! 😀

THIS IS DEFINITELY AN OUTING NOT TO BE MISSED!!! IF U ARE WISE, U WILL GO!! heehee. NO ONE CAN RESIST ECSTASY!! wanna noe more?? CONTACT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😀 NOW!!!!!! while stocks last! =P

my handmade cards for yujin and yen may! my 2 very dear cell group members! see the spongebob there?!?! yen may SCREAMED when she saw it! coz she LOVES it!! now i noe wat to get for her next time!! hee.

RACIAL HARMONY DAY!! i was juz too uncool to dress myself up in those pretty ethnic costumes. haha. and see the pic at the bottom? those are a bunch of my lovely juniors! 😀 dun u think the girls take after me?? AUNTIES IN TRAINING!! hee. =P and the pretty gal in the thai costume is AUNTY JAC!! AUNTIES UNITE!! i’m glad i left my aunty legacy in house comm! thank God! hee.

guess where i found this fish!!! IN JEAN JO’S CAR!! haha. it gave me a fright when i closed the door! anyway.. guess wat is it used for!! i was so amused! haha. and if u think u noe the ans, TAG!! u’ll win a mysterious prize from me!! heehee.

i forgot to take a pic of the letters i sent to guan and weix!! i have a new-found hobby!! and that is to send snail mails!! so if u wanna receive anything from me, drop me ur HOME ADDRESS either via my tagboard of sms! hee.

on a sidenote, i do love receiving snail mails too! *HINT HINT* hee. =P

visions.

a wonderful experience made short…

i was praying ytd when God gave me a vision yet again. and there, i saw myself leading a cell group meeting. this was followed by a series of visions and i saw myself as cgl… impacting the lives of my members. it felt so REAL. like as tho i was really THERE. u wouldnt understand how i felt at that time unless u have went thru it urself. when God brings u into that realm, only then will u understand. (:

and then, i suddenly tot… why do all these visions seem so familiar! like i’ve seen them before some where… that was when God reminded me “that’s becoz I’ve shown u these visions before.” i was like… “oh ya horz…” HAHA. that was really funny! to think that when i saw these visions in the past, i tot it was juz some imagination on my part! it was actually given by God! like wat jenn said, if she was God, she would have smacked my butt! haha.

but COOL! i’m so excited! THANK GOD! hee. 😀

I LOVE JENN!! (:

i seriously seriously wanna declare that I REALLY LOVE TOKING TO JENN ALOT ALOT!! haha. which can be equated to me loving jenn!! heehee. it’s funny how much pleasure i find in toking to her! ahaha. quite funny arhz.. i dun understand why pple say she fierce la! these pple are SIAO! haha.

so anyway… i feel so glad toking to her! coz this was wat she said…
jEn`–“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle//Life’s tough.Let’s get tougher says:
its a God-desire.
jEn`–“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle//Life’s tough.Let’s get tougher says:
rem this pam
jEn`–“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle//Life’s tough.Let’s get tougher says:
and hear me well.
jEn`–“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle//Life’s tough.Let’s get tougher says:
what God has BIRTH
jEn`–“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle//Life’s tough.Let’s get tougher says:
no one, not the satan nor even Jesus
jEn`–“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle//Life’s tough.Let’s get tougher says:
can steal it away
jEn`–“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle//Life’s tough.Let’s get tougher says:
of coz
jEn`–“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle//Life’s tough.Let’s get tougher says:
when God birth it
jEn`–“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle//Life’s tough.Let’s get tougher says:
its in agreement with Jesus
jEn`–“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle//Life’s tough.Let’s get tougher says:
im jus saying tt NO ONE and i mean NO ONE can steal away what God has birth

and i’ve saving this precious part of the convo in my blog coz she told me to hear her well and to rmb this! so… I WILL!!

thank God for jenn ah.. haha. she reminded me that i saw myself leading a cell group meeting at my house during one of my qt! i didnt noe if it was from God.. i tot i was juz anyhow thinking on my part… so i kind of like discarded it! hee. but now i noe! i shall pray abt it!!

NINETEEN!!!! 😀

thank you :D

i went to cut my hair 2 days ago and i can only say that it went HORRENDOUS!! it’s really like a nightmare and i’m so sad! i miss my long hair ALOT ALOT!! =(

and the weather’s CRAZY!! i’ts like a man going bonkers!! GRR.. one moment it can be raining and the next, it can be CRAZILY HOT!! -poof- HORRENDOUS…

anyway.. i’ve yet to embark on my studying for the prelims and i’m worried that i’m taking everything so lightly when yr 2 victorians are constantly swarming to the library everyday after school juz to study! and it’s really getting on my nerves that 5 more weeks to prelims and we have yet to complete the syllabus! and so.. we have to juggle betwn revising and doing tutorials which makes that a MOUNTAIN of work! discipline pam… DISCIPLINE…

on a side note, i’ve decided that each time i blog now, i’ll dedicate a portion of it to thank someone who has greatly impacted my life! hee. (:

to start off, i have dearest JO in mind! (:

jo, if ur reading, this is specially for u! 😀
jo, u cant imagine how much i really thank God for placing such a wonderful fren and leader in my life! ur love for the pple around u nv fail to inspire me to love the pple ard me more… the sacrifices u’ve made greatly touched my life! and i’ll nv forget the times when u’ll take time off juz to tok to me and to visit me when problems at home cropped up. THANK YOU JO!

ur determination to fight on and to hang in there really inspired me too! to keep pressing in God… and like wat u said, to be a good finisher! 😀 i really thank you for all the many things u have done for me and the cell! ur the BESTEST LEADER anyone can find! THANK YOU JO and I LOVE YOU! 😀

all smiles. (:

HELLO!! i’ve gotten a new tagboard!! YAY!! so tag more k!! hee. i’m quite sad that i cant change the ‘send’ icon to an ‘ilovePAM (:’ icon!! BOOHOO. haha. oh wells.

anyway.. i’m feeling so much better alr. thanx guys! i’ve gotten over my results blues and i’m feeling EXTREMELY MOTIVATED to study! (: a man without vision is a man without a future. so true!

when i felt discouraged becoz of my results, i tot that the vision God gave me for my results will not come to past. but THANK GOD that His ways are higher than my ways… His tots are higher than my tots. the msg preached during cell on handling disappointments is deeply etched in my heart. i’ll always rmb wat jo said abt running to God when we face disappointments. NOT to run away from Him… but to run TO Him.

and i juz recalled pst tan’s msg on visions that a man without vision is a man without a future. how true! when i got back my physics and chem results, i felt so discouraged that i couldnt bring myself to study anymore. during that few days, i felt so aimless.. like as tho the vision God gave was dead. like wat pst said, disappointments will draw us away from our visions and dreams. and i do not want that to happen! THANK GOD that i ran to Him and lifted everything up into His hands! and THANK GOD once again for the timely sermons! (: and again, THANK GOD that He has re-lived my vision! THANK GOD too for jenn who taught me on the law of harvest! (:

i’m motivated to study! to fight this battle tgt with God by my side! i WILL NOT be discouraged. i WILL NOT be daunted by obstacles. i WILL NOT have such low confidence of myself.

and why? SIMPLY BECOZ I’M MADE MORE THAN A CONQUEROR IN CHRIST! AMEN! 😀

i’m going to fight it all out! the devil will have nth agst me!! i’m gonna kick his butt all the way to outerspace arh! haha. i’m so motivated to study for prelims and A’s!! YAY!! 😀

anyway… i was juz standing on God’s promises ytd to give me the strength and to take away all my tiredness. i recalled the verse “even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall. but those who WAIT on the LORD shall renew their strength. they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.“

i guess i’ve nv exactly read this verse properly before becoz it suddenly dawned upon me that it’s really easy to draw strength from the Lord. coz all God wants us to do is to WAIT ON HIM. that’s all! it’s that simple! God didnt tell us to go and sleep to draw strength or anything else except to juz WAIT ON HIM to renew ur strength. and that was wat i did today! i waited on the Lord and all my tiredness was taken away! i felt tired after school. felt like sleeping. but i rmbed God’s word and hence, i did my qt. His presence came and in Him, i found renewed strength! PRAISE THE LORD! i’m all set to start studying after i finish blogging! (:

and as i did my qt today, i felt the Lord telling me to bless yujin with the cross cd that jenn and mel bought for me. hence, i ripped all the songs into my com! i’m gonna pass it to him this fri when i meet him!! YAY!! (:

talking abt yujin, i juz feel so happy! coz i led him in saying the salvation prayer! wat i tot was juz an ordinary conversation online turned into one that was spiritual and evangelistic! PRAISE THE LORD!! (: here was part of the conversation…

*paMm!3*___ I iwannaliveforyou.blogspot.com a man without vision is a man without a future… says:

but have u ever tot of wanting a relationship with God

·$48ÐîVïñïTY·$11[·$38stop running tru open doors,instead try unlocking them urself·$11] says:

no

*paMm!3*___ I iwannaliveforyou.blogspot.com a man without vision is a man without a future… says:

y

·$48ÐîVïñïTY·$11[·$38stop running tru open doors,instead try unlocking them urself·$11] says:

dunno

·$48ÐîVïñïTY·$11[·$38stop running tru open doors,instead try unlocking them urself·$11] says:

nvr tot of it

*paMm!3*___ I iwannaliveforyou.blogspot.com a man without vision is a man without a future… says:

but do u want it

·$48ÐîVïñïTY·$11[·$38stop running tru open doors,instead try unlocking them urself·$11] says:

yah

isnt this good news?? it’s like WOW!! 😀 i was so happy u noe!! i couldnt help but to msg quite a number of pple to tell them of the good news!! yujin’s so cute!! haha. he’s 13 btw! so dun misunderstand! haha. and i’m meeting up with him this fri before bs for lunch! WHEE!!! i’m gonna pass him the cd, a note and a small present! want to noe the present? ASK ME!! and i’m so happy that jo allowed me to do follow up on him!! 😀 he will stay and i noe it. 😉

and i wanna thank God for one last thing! and that is my econs common test result! (: i’ve got a C!! YAY!! PRAISE THE LORD! 😀 i got 19/30 for mcqs (not bad in my opinion coz i tot i will fail), 21/30 for case study (i was EXTREMELY SURPRISED coz i nv expected that!), and 9/25 for my essay (ok.. i tot i will do better for essay actually..) so YAY!! thank God! at least i noe that my econs is improving! from an O to E to D to a C now!! WOOHOO!! 😀 like wat my tuition teacher said, i juz need to work on my essay.. 😉

and that concludes my entry today! PRAISE THE LORD FOR EVERYTHING!!

all smiles 😀

just to say…

thank you jo.
thank you yanling.
thank you guan.
thank you ra.
thank you pei.
thank you xiaohong.
thank you sam.
thank you owner.
thank you jenn.

but most imptly.. thank you God.

all ur words meant so much to me. thanks so much for all the encouragement. i’m not going to give up. i wont! i’m NOT a weakling!!

and yes ra… there is still time. i can do it. we can do it. WE WILL EXCEL! thanx everyone!

and then again….

i got back my physics paper.
failed terribly.
i did study really hard for this common test.
but wat’s happening??? ):

yes, i’m sad. i wont deny that.
discouraged? almost. maybe. perhaps?

but thank God for wonderful frens and cell group members!

i’m not gonna give up.
i’ll put up a good fight.
i’ll put in my BESTEST effort and let God do the rest.

i wont be discouraged.
i’ll put all my faith and trust in You, my Lord.
i know You will see me through.
i lift up all my fears, worries and cares into Your hands.
help me O Lord…
I NEED YOU.

LORD YOU ARE ALWAYS HERE WITH ME
LORD YOU ARE ALWAYS HERE WITH ME
THERE IS NO CHANGING GOD IN THEE
YOU ARE THE SAME YESTERDAY
AND TODAY AND FOREVERMORE
HERE ON YOUR PROMISES I STAND
YOU HOLD MY FUTURE IN YOUR HAND
MY SOLID ROCK
ALMIGHTY GOD
I WORSHIP YOU

WHEN TROUBLES COME I TRUST IN YOU
FOR I KNOW YOU WILL LEAD ME THROUGH
AND I KNOW YOU ARE FAITHFUL
TILL THE END
AND WHEN THE STORMS ARE DRAWING NEAR
WHEN I’M WITH YOU I DON’T HAVE TO FEAR
YOU’RE MY SHEPHERD ON WHOM
I CAN DEPEND

THROUGH THE DAY
THROUGH THE NIGHT
I KNOW YOU’RE ALWAYS BY MY SIDE

disappointment.

i got back my chem paper ytd. and all i can say is that it was largely disappointing. i failed. a result that i didnt expect. i did so badly for the structured and essay qns that i could hardly bear to look at my paper. it really was disappointing. i was hoping for at least a pass or maybe even a D. to say that i’m ok would definitely be a lie. i tot i was ok but i didnt expect to tear when mel gave me a hug and when jo called me. now, i have to find a time to break that news to my parents. yes.. there are definitely lessons to be learnt from this test.

aside econs, chem was another subject which i placed lots of emphasis on while studying during the mid yrs. i studied so fast that 1.5 weeks before the paper, i was left with only 2 chapters to complete. and i guess that was where i went wrong. becoz i studied too fast for chem, i stopped and studied the other subjects during that 1.5 weeks. and when the day before chem test came, i realised tat i forgot most of the stuff.

well, i can outrightly say that i’ve put in my most most most effort for this yr’s common test. and i noe that God sees. i guess the msg on handling disappointments during cell group on sunday came at the right time. God is nv too late and nv too early. i nv expected myself to handle so many disappointments in juz 3 days. but i still clung on tightly to the msg that was preached.

and i still believe and have faith that i will reap wat i sow. i will be stronger and overcome all obstacles that come my way becoz God made me more that an overcome.

it’s 48 days to prelims. that’s one and a half mths away. it’s time to start planning my study schedule and start studying. i really wanna do well.

and i predict that studying is gonna take away most of time… which means less going out and enjoying the company of my frens. it will be back to how it was in sec 4. but much worse i guess. i juz have to be prepared. i miss my frens alot alot.

but i noe that juz like wat pst preached, there is power when u focus. so now, my focus is on God, my studies and cell. yup.

and to lighten up my mood, i’ve decided to upload some photos! (:

a declaration by mel last yr! and owner.. if ur looking at this, plse study hard for maths!

when lu had kidney stones… aud and i juz love making such cards! heehee.

2 very dearest juniors. tho they are not my cca juniors, but still considered as juniors la! haha.

overnight studying at airport! mugger buddies! (: dun be deceived by the rj pe shirt! hee.

seoul garden outing! and yes PEI! i’ll join u all for one of the activities that u’ve stated in ur blog!

emily and grace! i’ll miss the 2 of them dearly!

shane, emily and me! (:

emerge wristbands! photo taken by terence! i seriously think he shld have taken part in the phototaking competition!

emerge!! 😀

i super love this pic! owner and me! (:

so yup! that’s abt it! i shall upload my photos another day when i find the time! 😀

i run to You

it’s been a really long time since i last updated! oops! haha. anyway.. i’m currently in love with this song! thanx to jenn! (: muz read the lyrics! it’s so meaningful!

Find Your Wings by Mark Harris
It’s only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I’ll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I’ll want to know
You’re walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I’m here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

Chorus:

It’s not living if you don’t reach for the sky
I’ll have tears as you take off
But I’ll cheer as you fly

Chorus

if any of u are interested in listening to the song, do drop me a msg on msn and i’ll be more than happy to share with u my fav song!! haha. and i wanna learn how to play that song on the guitar!!

GUAN!! TEACH ME!!!!!!!! (:

we sang that song during cell group metting ytd for emily and grace’s farewell. a really touching song. and i wrote the both of them a poem! i think i’m secretly a poet! HAHA! and we celebrate yanling, alex and vanessa’s birthday!

grace left today. it will be another 5 mths before she comes back to visit us. and emily’s leaving on wednesday. sigh. i feel both happy and sad for them. happy becoz they are moving on in their lives to pursue wat they desire. sad at the same time coz the both of them mean so much to me! i’ve known them for close to one yr.. but i feel so attached to them. i really cannot bear to see them leave. =(

wateva it is, i juz want the both of them to know that our frenship is built on Christ the solid rock we stand. so no matter how far apart we may be, this frenship will still last thru. (: I LOVE YOU GALS ALOT! thanx for everything and brightening up my days! (:

msg during cell was GREAT and so was msg during svc. we learnt during cgm abt handling disappointments. that there are 3 sources of disappointments which are basically disappointments from things, events and people. out of which, in my opinion, disappointments from pple are the most hurtful.

and when disappointments take root in our hearts, it becomes bitterness and inevitably, we become bitter towards God.. but of course, there is juz one solution to disappointments as shown in psalms 73. and that is to run to God and to enter His sanctuary.

during ministering time, i felt all my hurts and disappointments from pple being lifted up to God. i cried in His presence… asking Him to heal me of my hurts. esp disappointments from the pple i hold really close to.

and thank God for such a timely msg. becoz right after that, i was faced with another disappointment and hurt. i went into the presence of God. worshipping Him and praising Him like nv before…

everything was ok until i came out of the room after doing my qt. and there, i was shot with another blow that really hit me hard.

but becoz humans are imperfect. they dun see wat God sees. and thus, we tend to be self-centered at times. thinking that we are the only party sacrificing and putting in all the effort. for that very reason, i shall learn how to forgive and forget and to juz love them as they are. it’s tough i noe. but God will see me through. and that’s when i’ll grow in the Lord coz i’ve gone a level higher. His grace is more than sufficient for me. we are not of the same blood by chance but it was all in God’s plan.

O LORD… take away all my hurts and disappointments…. (:

on a lighter note, i got a C for my maths paper! PTL! one mark short of a B! but wateva it is, its still a result that i wanna thank God for! without Him, i think i would have failed. haha.

and i’m starting bs with yen may this week! may God send His Holy Spirit to guide me as i teach! hee. (: