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after today (sunday), i believe that my season of waiting is over! (: God’s path for me has become clearer. i may be scared.. not noeing wat the future holds and qnsing my abilities, but i believe that God will not put me in a place that is too much for me to handle!
things will definitely change. things will definitely not be the same. but wat’s most important is that ALL of us move on TOGETHER.
the NEW E310 (my new love!) – pauline, ter Q, jude, angie, alex, weix, guan, colin, james, alex (zhiwei), wang zi, ernah, jasmine, kevin, briony, emily, lydia, yujin, and of course, me! (:
we will be ground-breaking, world-shaking HISTORY MAKERS! 😀
it’s time for pple to rise up! to do more things in the house of God! we’re not going to be convenient Christians and neither will we be casual Christians, BUT we’re going to be Christians who are FULLY COMMITTED to the house of God!
we’ll plough through tgt again! ploughing, time, HARVEST! 😀
we had an awesome last cell group meeting today! the presence of God was so tangible! pauline asked me to pray for the emerge conference that’s coming up… and as i prayed, i felt fire in my inner being like never before! WOOOO!!! haha. and the msg on brokeness and prayer was simple yet great! it ministered to me alot! (:
and after the msg, we worshipped God and sang the song One Life, One Love. the moment we started singing, tears welled up in my eyes and i started tearing non-stop. the presence of God was so great and tangible that i was so touched i couldnt help but to cry buckets.
in my heart, i was crying out to God that i want more of Him.. i want to experience Him… i want to be broken before Him. at that point, my spirit cried out to God like never before… there was such a great yearning and instantaneously, a certain breaking in my spirit overwhelmed me… i cried like never before.
then pauline prayed for me. but before that, the moment pauline came to yanling, who was standing next to me, i alr felt the power of God. i alr felt like falling… i alr felt so weak in the presence of God. and once pauline came over to me, the moment she laid hands on me, i felt the power of God touch me like never before… but i resisted.. i didnt want to fall yet… i wanted to hear wat the messenger of God had to say to me.
but pauline and i juz cont’d praying in tongues… the more i prayed, the more i cried, the more pauline cried too. the presence of God was juz so overwhelming!
then pauline said this “pam, God sees the hunger that u have towards Him. God noes that u want to change… but first, u have to reach to a stage of brokeness and gentleness. God wants to use u in a great way… but if only u would trust in Him.”
at that instant, the power of God came in a mighty way! i fell and the brother who was suppose to catch me (but i dunno who) couldnt catch me properly. wat a mighty move of God!
i feel refreshed and renewed! like wat pauline said, it was really becoz there was such a strong yearning in my spirit, a hunger for God i never felt before and the openness that i have towards the supernatural realm, that God moved so mightily in me during ministry time!
when i got up to worship God again, i couldnt help but to kneel down in His presence… to worship Him.. to tell Him that i come before Him with brokeness in my spirit…
God noes that i want to change. and i really want to change. i want to live out the 8 beatitudes in my life! i’ve been trying to constantly remind myself of the 8 beatitudes that i have learnt whenever i feel like doing sth that goes agst God! becoz i want to focus on the things of God.. i want to have that quiet strength each and every beatitude has! i want to change like never before!
Lord i’m hungry for a mighty move of God
Lord i’m thristy pour out Your Holy Ghost
Lord i want to see the hand of God move mightily inside of me
i’m hungry for a move of God…
who am i that You would noe me from the start
set me apart
who am i that You would place eternity
into my heart
You have given to me
more than this world could give
my purpose is found in you
one life, i lay at Your altar
one love, i have with You
touch me again
fill me as You hold
my outstretched hands
one word, You noe i will follow
one heart, broken to You
use me again
Your mercies follow me
for all my days
in Your presence
in Your power
Holy Spirit i surrender
and i think God spoke to me abt which uni to go during svc… i hope i heard correctly. but i’ll still want a confirmation to God to noe where He desires for me to go for my studies! 😀
i’m more than convinced that this is my season of waiting… good waiting of course! hee.
for the past few days and maybe even weeks of praying, God doesnt show up immediately or after a short while… but it really took me alot of pressing in… alot of waiting on Him… and sometimes even up to a point when i feel like sleeping (oops!) or even feel like giving up and juz walk out of the room without feeling God’s presence.
BUT… i’m not satisfied with such prayers! i’ll always rmb of the many stories i hear from pple abt how they cont’d pressing in until God shows up! so i stayed and cont’d praying and worshipping until God finally comes! (: i feel that God is moulding me through this period of waiting… He’s teaching me how to press on, wait on Him, perservere and developing even more spiritual hunger and holy dissatisfaction!
“Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”
one of the days when i was praying and pressing into God, God finally came and said “I came becoz u persisted and perservered…” (:
and my tagboard doesnt work again! GRRRRRR
What does your handwriting say about YOU?
The results of your analysis say:
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry. You are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough. You are diplomatic, objective, and live in the present. You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action. You are self-confident and like to bring attention to yourself.
HAHA! true or not?!? plse tell me!! hee. (:
What does your drawing say about YOU?
You tend to pursue many different activities simultaneously. When misfortune does happen, it doesn’t actually dishearten you all that much.You are a direct and forthright person. You like to get to the core of the issue right away, with few signs of hesitation.You like following the rules and being objective. You are precise and meticulous, and like to evaluate decisions before making them.You have a sunny, cheerful disposition.
how true is the analysis?? plse comment! hee.
the long-awaited letter from SMU finally came today.
actually, i already knew my application outcome even before the letter came becoz i checked it online. to my great disappointment, my application was not approved.
yes. i’m upset becoz i really do want to study in SMU. in fact, i was discouraged and dejected. my grades arent that bad.. but SMU rejected my application and NTU only gave me my 2nd choice.
tho i was sad, God came through for me! i was juz sharing with pauline that tho i’m really upset that SMU rejected my application, but as i prayed through, God reminded me of the one thing He said to me in march/april. He said that if SMU is the school that He wants me to be in, everything will definitely fall nicely into place! and today, i was reminded of the verse which says that wateva God says, it will not be returned void.. but everything WILL come to past!
i was really encouraged! as i choose to see this period of time as a test of my faith towards God, it will be a time for me to grow and breakthru in my level of faith! and to believe in Him for the impossible! when all doors seem to be shut, God will definitely open new ones! i believe that as i move and try my best in my appeal for SMU, my faith will touch God and God will see me through and grant me the desires of my heart! only when we move, will God move! (:
and pauline said this:
Pam, i’m so proud of you for your faith and persistancy in God
i’m really really encouraged! as i shared with pauline all these, i felt the presence of God and almost teared. indeed, FAITH is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen… FAITH is Forsaking All I Trust Him…
Father, Your ways are higher than mine.. Your plans for me are higher than mine… let me not look at my circumstances but to look and place ALL my focus on the Almighty One.. i want to walk in the path that You have set for me… i want to be that Pamela You have called me to be…
feeling sick is the last thing that i want.
fever. cough. flu. running nose. sore throat. a bit of stomach flu.
RAH.
tim sent me a msg today after visitation which made me almost tear. a touching msg… words of affirmation… thank you! (:
i TOTALLY detest pple using the f-word on my tagboard. and even if the tagboard entries were not directed at me, i still detest them. that is not the way u try to show others ur displeasure.
u’ve been banned from using my tagboard. thank you very much.
whoever u are, i think YOU NEED JESUS.
enough said.
i’m starting to fall ill. feeling uneasy all over my body.
it’s gonna be another long night for me. but i really hope i can have more sleep.. hopefully it wont be like last week when i only had 2 hrs of sleep and i had to rush down for svc alr. thank God i had abt 9hrs of sleep today. but it’s still not enough to clear my sleep debt. =(
waking up at 6am to prepare a mother’s day breakfast for my mum then i have to rush down to fetch a fren for svc. oh God.. i really need Your strength…
promotion comes when u least expect it… (:
yesterday was my visitation day! i totally love my kids in my visitation group to the max! they are so adorable and i simply LOVE them! hee.
like what tim shared with me and i totally agree, when i slowly see the kids starting to open up towards me, i feels this sense of satisfaction and this joy that cannot be explained. this joy gives me such a drive to do my visitation well and to lift up my spirits when i feel so tired and shagged.
at least tim and i noe from ytd’s visitation that all the visitations that we have done for the kids over this period of time have not gone to waste! but each visitation is sowing a seed into the lives of these kids. as the visitations carry on, these seeds are being watered and nurtured under the right environment and slowly, but surely, these seeds will start to bud and flourish into beautiful flowers! i’m so glad that the various seeds in these kids are slowly starting to bud as they open themselves up more towards us! (:
visitations are such a powerful way to do follow up! it’s essential (in my opinion) to show others that u truly care abt them!
i was very touched when i went to visit vanessa. when tim asked her if she enjoyed herself at svc last sun, she said YES! and she said that everything at svc was juz different and she totally enjoyed herself. and as i stood there watching her tok to tim abt svc, i felt the presence of God and i felt like tearing. i was very touched. i still rmbed how i first did visitation for her… she was rather closed up and she would give all sorts of excuses so that she need not go to church. but God is juz so amazing! God has indeed touched her! such a precious soul and her time to return to the kingdom of God is finally here! (:
i was very touched too by yilong and shihui! (they are siblings abt 4-6yrs old) when they were so excited to see tim and i, words could not explain how i felt. i rmbed when i first did visitation for the both of them, shihui would juz refuse to greet me.. she’ll refuse to come and tok to us.. yilong was slightly better.. he would greet me but nth more than that. but last week was definitely a breakthru for my relationship with them! the moment tim and i exit the lift, yilong and shihui were waiting for us outside! they started toking non-stop and showing us some of the things that they have drawn! i carried yilong and shihui which was sth i could nv do with them in the past! yilong gave me a kiss before we left last week! so sweet! 😀 and ytd when we visted them, poor yilong had fever. but he still wanted to tok to us! shihui was so bubbly and the both of them toked non-stop again! haha. shihui oso gave me a hug before we left! 😀 i couldnt help but to whisper ‘i love you’ to the both of them. haha. (:
and ytd, we rushed down to kelly’s house to visit her. tho it was quite late alr, we tot that she would be asleep but her dad said that she’s still awake becoz she wanted to wait for us to come before she goes to bed! that was really sweet of her! 😀
ytd’s visitation was so rewarding! everyone shld join CHILDREN CHURCH as a VISITATION WORKER!! haha. tho it’s a really tiring and stretching and rather high committment ministry, but i’ve nv regretted joining this ministry simply becoz it is rewarding and it’s a ministry that i feel i can grow in as well! (:
haha. after today, i noe that i’ve grown! hee.
the voice of the Lord is becoming clearer and more distinct to me! haha. 😀
had a really good chat with junhong over the phone. i thank God for junhong. i thank God for allowing me to walk into his life. i thank God that unknowingly i’ve made an impact and helped him grow in God. ALL PRAISE TO GOD! (:
“it’s juz amazing how there’s such a closeness btwn us even tho we do not tell each other much abt wat we are going thru..” -junhong
haha. i’ve GROWN! YAYYY!!! THANK GOD! 😀
empyreal radiance 