You are currently browsing the monthly archive for August 2007.
i cant believe that today is fri! time seems to really FLY PASS! -gasp-
anyway… i would say that it’s been a really fruitful week! and i’m happy! proud of myself too! coz i completed 3 out of the 4 assignments that i was suppose to do! haha. that’s really an acheivement for me considering that i dun really do my tutorials back in jc! haha. =P
i even starting reading my management science textbook today! can u believe it?! and to think that i enjoyed reading it too! gosh! haha.
pam is hardworking! YAYY! 😀
besides, it was a fruitful week becoz i made pple’s days and blessed them during the week too! 😀
tho the week had been tiring, i enjoyed myself! (: but the tiredness is starting to sink in now.. =S
so yep! after tutorials today, i went to the library to study on my own! can u believe it?! i actually went to study too! haha! =P
went off to parkway after that to meet pauline, terrence and briony for dinner! 😀 it was quality time of fellowship! -grins- 😀
pple dun care how much u noe until they noe how much u care… 😉
on a random note, i need MORE bao luck! not lor mai kai luck! sheesh!
today was a crazy day after 6 hrs straight of lecture! i can never imagine how anyone can survive any day with more than 6hrs of lessons without break! =S
management science was the WORST lecture. rah.
so this was wat the HAPPY 3 FRENS did after surviving a lecture marathon….JPG)
me, adeline and shayna! ❤ u gals to bits! 😀
nice photo of the 3 of us! 😀
yes yes.. as wat shayna said, i wanted to be in the limelight to show off the new shirt that i bought! LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE!!! haha. =P
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chao ah lians in the making. adeline is the FIERCEST! haha.
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kuku-ness
went off for visitation after that. i simply love the kids in my visitation group! 😀 tho i was tired, i was super happy when i saw them! many *hearts* to them! hee.
i totally forgot that sat is teacher’s day. yiling and shi hui (my 2 most favourite kids) bought me a gift and gave me a card too! enqi and ruiti gave me 2 very cute coin purses as well! many of them wished me and tim happy teacher’s day too! 😀
besides, when tim asked yilong who is his favourite teacher, he innocently replied “teacher pamela” oh man! i was like SO HAPPY!! YAYYY!! haha. 😀
pam is happy! WHEEEE!! =P
and i was telling tim during visitation today abt all the study times in vj! then i realised how much i miss studying with owner mel, lu, rong, audrey, xinying, sheryl and co-owner trina!
i miss studying with them in the vj classroom at T1 block and i miss the times when we’ll try crashing into the IP classrooms at the T2 block coz we wanted to sit on their comfortable sofas. i miss going crazy with them when we’ve had enough studying and wanted a break. i miss ‘intelligent’ discussions with them over qns that we pose to each other. i miss the times when co-owner and i would reach the earliest and find our very familiar and comfortable spot in the classroom to study. i miss the times when we had enough of studying for the morning, we’ll take a break at around 12-2pm for lunch. i miss the times at thai pan… how we would study until real late and then have DINNER at that time at thai pan! i miss every single moment of studying with them! honestly, i think they are the BESTEST group of pple that i can study with!
it’s just really different studying in NUS library… having to keep so quiet… it’s just not a very frenly environment i guess… -shrugs-
on a random note, i took photos of the strawberry shortcake stuff that i have! hee.
guan bought me the toy. yanling bought me the sticker book. kuku fen and owner bought me the pencil (it’s hidden next to the sticker book! SPOT IT!) and i bought the rest myself! hee.
speaking abt the strawberry shortcake pencil, i still rmb there was once my mum accidentally threw it into the trash. i was so worried and upset i went to dig thru the whole garbage bag. and i really really did it. i almost cried when i couldnt find the pencil. (now u noe how emo and sentimental i can get. haha) that pencil is precious to me coz owner and fen bought it for me during the tough A level times! and i do use the pencil! 😀
so anyway, ytd was the last day of the bazaar held at central forum. so shayna, rachel and i went to walk ard the bazaar! 😀 im really amazed by my ability to shop and spend money coz i spent close to $50 just in less than an hr! sheesh.
here was wat i bought! 😀
spongebob unite! 😀
my new bag! 😀
necklace!
spongebob keychain! i saw other REALLY CUTE SPONGEBOB stuff! but didnt buy.. have to practise some self-restrain from shopping! haha
spongebob pencil case! 😀
shayna and rachel said that i’m sunshine enough to wear LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE! YAYY! hee. =P
i saw sth at the bazaar which i tot a fren of mine would like. i wanted to buy and bless that person with it but i didnt buy it. and true enough, my fren bought that thing which i saw after many days of consideration…
as the title of my post suggests, there are the many other photos i’ve yet to upload! so here goes!
PHOTOS FROM BACK TO SCHOOL: DENTENTION! 😀
adeline act cute! haha. =P
my guitar shifu aka wujun with hairband! haha.
i dunno why.. but i just like this pic that i took with my dearest ogl peiyun! 😀
the 2 ponytails i tied! i didnt noe my hair is SO LONG! haha.
aogl tingjun and me!
me: “usher! usher! my members will be late for svc!” haha.
pretty vivien with her newly permed hair and me! 😀
wujun is a TP GAL.
silin is a TJ BOY.
haha. =p
my happy fren! 😀
vivien, desiree, me, adeline, dawn! 😀 happy pple! 😀
KUKU! haha.
ezekiel and me!
i love her smile! joyce!
gary likes to act cute! haha. =P
jinhui aka titus and me! i always dunno which name to call him.. haha. oh wells.
dao-ness..
i noe i’m not very dao. haha.
unglam me and pretty isabella!
3 SUPER DUPER FUNNY GUYS! i cannot help but to laugh! haha.
chang han (!) – one of the funniest guys i’ve ever met! he really nv fails to make me laugh everytime i see him! hahahahahaah. =P
i love this pic too!
they swopped their uniforms!
BIG SHADES! 😀
convent uniform rocks my socks! =P
dearest emily!
yuan tai – the star of the day! 😀
i’m the extra one… haha. =P
ANGIE’S BAPTISM! CONGRATS GAL! 😀
shane was getting baptised too! CONGRATS! 😀
isabella and gary too! CONGRATS CONGRATS! 😀
congyan, colin and pauline with the baptism candidate -ANGIE! 😀
zoe and me before baptism svc!
waiting for her turn to be baptised!
in the water…
i baptise u in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit!
new creation in Christ! 😀
victorious smile! CONGRATS MY DEAREST! -huggs- 😀
to be the light of the world..
and the salt of the earth.. SHINE FOR JESUS ANGIE! (:
praying a prayer of blessing over angie! 😀
angie and i after the baptism! 😀
group photo!
us again! 😀
joce and me!
look at rhonda, ester and cass! they were getting baptised too! WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!! 😀
the apple of God’s eye.. (:
pauline, angie, yanling and me! 😀
BAPTISED! CONGRATS! 😀
oh man! i SIMPLY LOVE the flowers!! BIG BRIGHT SUNFLOWERS! yes yes! I LOVE BIG BRIGHT SUNFLOWERS like those that gary and isabella had! anyone wanna buy for me? heehee. =P
my turn to hold the flowers! PRETTY PRETTY! 😀
cass BAPTISED! CONGRATS! 😀
rhonda BAPTISED! CONGRATS! 😀
me, rhonda and wendy! 😀
hmmm.. wendy trying to siam the camera! but when the camera is in my hands, i take anything and everything! haha.
esther BAPTISED! CONGRATS! 😀
rhonda: the apple is really delicious and sweet!
wendy and me!
she wore until so formal becoz she had SOT graduation rehearsal after svc last sat! she’s graduating this week!! CONGRATS GAL! 😀
yummy apple! haha.
on the way back to expo, cam whoring starts! haha. =P
colin and me with the front of angie’s card that i made! nice nice? hee. 😀
cards! zoe was holding on to nicole’s bday card! we bought that coz i didnt have the time to make a 2nd card! so sorry nicole! =S
the back of angie’s card! 😀
3 of us! =P
busy writing the card..
deep in thoughts..
haha. so yes! that’s the end of the photos that i have! 😀
me: (feeling whiney and down) God, i can never understand why u have called me to be ________… i can never understand what You have seen in me that made me worthy of Your call over my life…
God: because u are faithful in the little things…
me: but God, i dun think i’m faithful… i really dun think i’m up to that calling You have for me.. i feel inferior.. i feel inadequate… but God, because i love You, because i have godly fear towards You and becoz i respect You, i chose to respond to that calling You have for me… but sometimes, i just feel like as tho this calling is so far away.. like as tho it seems so impossible to come to past…
God: My grace is more than sufficient for you… it is in times like these.. when ur weak, when u feel inadequate, that u will learn how to rely on Me and depend on My strength even more.. when u are weak, I am strong… when u are inadequate, I fill up those inadequacies… it is in ur weakness that My strength is made perfect…
me: but i really feel i’m not up to it… the things that ____ used to ask me to do…
(even before i could finish telling God wat i wanted to say, God spoke..)
God: your calling does not depend on the amount of things that you do.. just cont being faithful and do wat u can… My calling over your life is IRREVOCABLE.. it will come to past… the calling I have for u is in My hands and in My time… you dun have to feel inferior…
and then i realised that God definitely has good judgement… so if He has chosen me and gave me this calling over my life, there must be something in me that God sees! i shld not doubt God and neither shld i doubt myself…
i can do it. amen!
______________________
on a side note, i really dun think i’ll have much sleep tonight! i’ve barely started on my marketing assignment.. still reading thru my notes! blame it on my complacency that i tot the marketing assignment was going to be easy. rah.
tho i have a long break before bs starts, i was actually planning to go home to sleep. but decided not to coz i’ve got other more impt things to do! like meeting up with my members and giving bs! 😀 sleep is defintely not as impt. besides, i have God’s divine strength upon me!
in fact, God’s strength has been really evident in my life! at times when i only have barely 4 hrs of sleep for abt 3-4 consecutive days, i still dun feel really tired and i noe that it was possible only becoz i have God! (:
so… thank You Jesus! 😀
indeed, the joy of the Lord is my STRENGTH! 😀
i just read shayna’s blog and i was laughing away in front of my com coz it reminded me that i’ve yet to blog abt my managerial econs tutor! haha. here’s what shayna typed…
“I got a dark mario as tutor for managerial econs and he talks with this accent so strong I gotta spend half the time deciphering the codes. He looked kinda traumatised facing the amount of questions the other students were shooting him with.”overwhelmed” is the word =S”
many times, i feel inferior when i hang out with them. it’s not that i dun enjoy their company… but they are doing so many so many things which i hope i could be given the opportunity to do so too…
my calling to be this, my calling to be that… my calling to…………………………. and so on… will they all ever happen?
when i was down and low… feeling inferior… wondering if wateva God has called me to do will ever come to past…
then God spoke “My calling over your life is IRREVOCABLE… it is the devil who has come to steal, kill and to destroy… to make u feel inferior to the pple around you.. be watchful and not fall in the devil’s trap…”
words from God are indeed as precious as gold.
i cant upload pictures on my blog! dunno wat’s wrong! ): oh man! so sad la! -pouts-
anyway… i need to study. i really need to study. i really really need to study. someone plse help me to settle down into the study mode! like REAL SOON! i have to complete a stats assignment by monday but i noe nuts abt what’s going on in lecture! bleh.
then again, tho i need to study, i still wanna blog abt today! hee. 😀
i went to support angie at her baptism today! and guess wat! gary, isabella, rhonda, esther and cass got baptised today too!!! oh man! i was SO HAPPY to see all of them getting baptised! YAYYY!!! CONGRATS!! 😀 happy happy! -beams- pics will be up soon! i hope! =P
oh yes! and i was so happy too when pple said that the card i made for angie was very nice! haha. tho i tot it wasnt really that good la.. but YAYNESS!! at least i noe i didnt sacrifice my sleep for nth! hee. =P
after the water baptism svc, colin, zoe and i took a train down to expo for svc! at tenah merah station, i bumped into michelle! and shld i say that it was all divine? this morning when i was making my way down to jurong west, i was thinking abt joining SOT next yr and when i met michelle at the mrt station today, she kept telling me abt SOT and challenging me to join SOT next yr! haha.
gosh! it’s like as tho it’s a sign from God to confirm that next yr will be my turn to join SOT! haha. yes, i’m concerned abt finances but michelle really instilled faith into me that God will definitely make a way for me! 😀 sooooooooooooo SOT! HERE I COME! hee. =P
and there was one thing that michelle said which i felt was really true… the number of pple u confide in gets lesser and lesser as u rise up in cg.. so she told me that in SOT, she found really good frens whom she can confide in.. which is good! (:
i totally agree with michelle coz i’m feeling that way too… sometimes, there seems to be no one i can tok to or confide in.. to just pour out everything and anything.. not that i cant tok to God abt it.. but having someone to confide in will be good.. and i guess that’s why i miss owner so much… sometimes, i dunno how to tell xxx stuff oso… ):
svc today was AWESOME! presence of God was strong and the msg was really really really GREAT! i love the sermon on the mount series and i’m so glad that my daddy pre-ordered the sermon cds! YAYY! 😀
God spoke to me today during worship and He said that He has placed me in NUS for a purpose and i believe it’s so! i wanna see God’s plans for my life unfold! i really wanna see revival in NUS! i really wanna make an impact in NUS in any way i can for God!
YES! I’M ON FIRE FOR GOD!
YES! I WANNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY, UNUSUAL, AND RADICAL FOR GOD! haha. =P
during ministry time today after the word, God spoke to me once again… it was so crystal clear i noe that it was from God!
God: pamela, are u willing to once again surrender ur life to Me?
me: -stunned for a moment- yes God, i’m willing. yes God, i wanna surrender my life and place my life on the altar once again..
instantaneously, tears welled up in my eyes. i felt such a conviction in me when i told God that i wanna surrender my life into His hands once again. surrendering = lifting EVERYTHING into God’s hands. i guess it’s becoz i really wanna have a even deeper r/s with God.. and i really thank God becoz God told me that my breakthru is coming soon! (:
and i’m really proud of nicole! 😀 seeing her so on fire for God and actively trying to reach out to her frens for the following week’s outreach, i really feel very xin wei. haha. i’m really glad i made her day! i like to make pple’s days becoz when they are happy, i’m happy! when i make their day, they make my day too by just being happy! haha. 😀
if nicole didnt point it out, i wouldnt have realised that i surprised her on 3 days – day before her birthday, on her bday itself, and one day after her bday. haha!
[nicole] thanks gal! ur entry on ur blog was really sweet! tho i didnt tear while reading that entry, but i was nevertheless deeply touched! thanks! (:
after svc, i was a little disturbed by wat someone said. it got me thinking… where does that put me at? hmmmmmm. oh wells.
it’s still a happy day nevertheless! (:
today was such a horrible day! one of the most horrible days that i’ve experienced in like 1232943854358945 days! ):
the day started out pretty fine actually… until a bao dao-ed me. so yes, i did try not to think so much abt it and well, it worked.
after that, we had a break after the first lecture ended. so i decided that since my irritating printer is completely crashed and not working, i shld use that 30 mins break wisely and go print my notes at the com lab. so i happily took my file, borrowed a cashcard from zhen jie and started looking thru IVLE to see wat notes and assignments i didnt have.
after sorting out the missing documents, i tried to print the notes. but to my GREAT disappointment, i just couldnt print! as u noe, miss pompom here does not have much IT knowledge.. so i tried and tried printing my notes for a full 1 hr! BUT i just couldnt get anything printed out at all! so yes, call me a moutain tortoise or watsoever, i printed NOTHING at all during that 1 hr. after which, i decided to give up trying to print esp when i’ve alr missed half an hour of the marketing lecture.
and to my GREAT DISMAY, when i returned back to the lecture theatre, my textbook which i used to reserve a seat for adeline was G-O-N-E GONE!!! after feeling so irritated that i couldnt print my notes, i was even much more irritated and upset of course, that my textbook was gone! i asked the pple around me but they didnt see my textbook. and yes, blur/stupid me didnt write my name on my textbook! HOW SMART! >.<
so i tried to stay optimistic throughout the whole lecture hoping that i’ll be able to find a lonely textbook lying around somewhere in the LT.. but obviously, after the lecture, there was NO textbook to be found. i couldnt concentrate during the lecture coz i kept thinking abt my textbook, and i just didnt understand wat was the lecturer teaching during lecture either. i missed half an hour of lecture, and my brain wasnt functioning, so that made me DOUBLY lost during the lesson. furthermore, my face was as black as charcoal i think i scared poor shayna and adeline and maybe even zhen jie off. rah.
at tat point, i almost felt like crying alr. my printer at home is down, i couldnt figure out how to print my notes in the school lab and NOW! my textbook was stolen! like hey! why does anyone wanna steal my textbook? isit really that attractive?
whoever stole it, may GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS! yes, i kept trying to tell myself that i’ll refrain from cursing that person. i’ll just treat it as i BLESSED that unknown person with my textbook.. and may u score good grades with that VERY ANOINTED textbook of mine.. and may the love of God fill u so much each time u study from that textbook so that one day, u’ll come to repent of wat u did. hmph.
so anyway, after the lecture, i went to try printing my notes again. this time, i had a really kind senior who helped me configure the com so that i could print my notes. and when i found out how easy it was to print and setup everything, i nearly FAINTED! so yayy! i printed my notes, i was happy, i went for the next lecture.
and then, i could not understand a single thing that was being taught in that lecture! like oh man! i totally found myself drowning in that countless number of slides! i was, and still am, really LOST! i dun suppose that was the purpose of the LOST orientation camp organised by the seniors right? to make us LOST in lecture! rah. so anyway, anyone who is interested to study with me, plse jio me! it’s time to get my brains to think and myself settled down to study!
i think the only thing that made me happy today was that i finally tried the engine canteen indonesian chicken! it’s really nice! haha. =P
so after a day in school that really went wrong, i left for visitation. well, i stopped by at clementi in hope of buying the textbook that i lost, and to my GREAT disappointment AGAIN, it was OUT OF STOCK. like GOSH! -faints-
and it’s not like as tho the day was bad enough, while doing visitation halfway, it started pouring cats and dogs! i didnt have an umbrella so one of the kid’s mum was really nice. she lent me an umbrella! so THANK GOD! or else, i would have been like DRENCHED. so on one hand, i was holding on to the umbrella, on the other hand, i had a file, book and a cake! like oh my goodness! and i was really really pouring! but lucky, tim helped me carry my file after that. so anyway, i was still drenched and my slippers were WET! there were FREQUENT thunders and lightnings that i was so freaked out i kept screaming! i hate thunders and lightnings btw…
so yes, that marked the end of my horrible day… ):
alright.. i’ve been to school for a week alr! how fast can that be?! and from the following week onwards, i’ll be having tutorials alr! sheesh! that’s when the full impact of my timetable will sink in! haha. oh wells.
but i must say, school’s been great! school’s been fun with great company of pple like shayna and adeline! 😀 of course, not forgetting all the bao and cartoon moments that we have! (if u dun understand wat i’m toking abt, it’s ok coz it’s an internal joke! HAHA)
and how can i forget the bunch of NUS CHC pple who are so on fire for God? 😀 without them, school wouldnt have been so fun either! it’s really good to have their company every week… it helps to edify and encourage me! 😀
tho i’ve been REALLY BUSY, God has indeed been faithful! the JOY OF THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH! 😀
last weekend’s svc with Joyce Meyer was AWESOME! i was (and still am) really impacted by the word! it gave me such a conviction that I MUST DECREASE and GOD MUST INCREASE! it’s less of me and more of God. it’s less of me and more of others. putting others before myself… finding a hurt and healing it. finding a need and meeting it. the thought of “me, me, me, and only me” must decrease. but thoughts like “wat can i do to be a blessing to others today?” and “God, show me what i can do for someone today” MUST increase! becoz my God cares abt the way i treat others! if i wanna plse God and make Him happy, i must learn to treat others well! 😀
and it’s really amazing how a thankful heart towards God can change my perspectives and attitudes towards things in my life! every single day, i’ve been thanking God for both the little and big things that are happening in my life! and it amazes me how much that can make me appreciate the things, pple etc around me more! 😀
God really nv fail to amaze me! last sunday during praise and worship, i didnt not why, but i turned back and group of 4 boys caught my eyes. they were not open at all. but during worship, that was when God spoke to me and said “look how I’ll work thru their hardened hearts for today is their day of salvation”… i was like WAH! okies. i dunno but i tot i heard God wrongly becoz it’s like a really random thing that God is speaking to me abt.
so throughout the svc, i took notice of these 4 boys.. halfway thru the sermon, 2 of them left. however, when the altar call was given after sermon, the remaining 2 boys responded and gave their hearts to God! i was really amazed by wat God spoke to me abt!
looking back, i feel that God was telling me that many times, we see things thru the natural realm. we have to learn how to take that step of faith into the supernatural… yes, we may be discouraged by our friends reactions during praise and worship etc… but sometimes, we just got to learn how to trust God that His word, presence and love can penetrate even the hardest of hardest hearts! i mean… if He cant, who can? if we think that our friends cant be saved, arent we saying that God isnt good enough to minister to our friends? arent we saying that we’re better than God in that sense? and arent we saying that whatever He did on the cross was all in vain?
God has clearly showed me that all things are possible with Him. He definitely can melt the hardest heart! if He cant, who can? (:
on my way home after bible study today, my sister and i saw this man selling otah outside serangoon mrt station. it was close to 11pm then.
at 7pm when i was at serangoon mrt station, he was already standing there trying to sell his otah. (i believe he was alr there many hours before 7pm) so when i saw him standing there at 11pm, my sister and i really took pity on him and hence, i went to buy some otah from him.
after buying the otah, as my sister and i were walking home, we started toking abt the otah man. i really felt so sorry and pitiful towards him becoz he was standing there for hours just to try and sell his otah.
furthermore, my sister was telling me that when the otah man was returning me my change, he dug out all his money from his pocket and he only had $8. at that point when she told me that, i really felt so sorry for him. i wanted to go back and buy all his remaining otah left, but decided not to coz it was so weird.
my sister went on to tell me abt the ice cream man who would try to sell his ice cream at the mrt station too.. he would sell until late into the night… to a point when he will be so tired, he’ll lie on the staircase nearby to rest for a while and then cont selling his ice cream…
when i heard that, i was just so sad. i seriously nearly teared becoz life is so hard for them. then i realised how fortunate i am, but yet i still complain at times that i dun have enough money… that my wants are not satisfied. how abt these pple? even their basic needs might not be even met yet.
i must be less selfish, more giving, more loving, more caring. i must rmb that the money that i have is not mine but my Heavenly Father’s. so this money is not used to only satisfy my needs and wants, but it is used to bless the pple around me. if the money that is used to satisfy my wants can make a difference to a poor person, isnt that great? isnt it better to make someone’s day rather than just always satisfying myself and feeding that selfish me?
sometimes i cant bear to part with just a small amt of money becoz it will make me feel like as tho i have become ‘poorer’ by that amt. but hey! this small amt of money can mean that someone else out there will be able to have a proper meal. so instead of looking at the negative, i should be thinking that someone’s basic needs are met today. (i dun really noe how to convey wat i’m thinking abt now… but hope u guys get it! haha)
i think i just realised the true meaning of giving. (: i’ll try to make it a point to buy otah from the otah man whenever i see him. (:
mr otah man taught me a lesson.. one that i believe will change my attitude abt giving. (: it’s amazing how God uses such ordinary pple to make an impact in my life.
really, i thank God for EVERYTHING in my life. (:
when i was worshiping God today, i was actually very tired… to the extent that i even almost fell asleep. but at that point, i told God that i didnt want to just come into His presence and not receive anything and neither did i want to do my QT just out of a routine. rather, i want to encounter Him, i want God to speak to me. i cont’d pressing in tho the presence of God did not come immediately. in fact, i really almost gave up pressing in and just went to bed. but i made that decision that if God doesnt show up and speak to me, i wouldnt stop dwelling in His presence and i would just keep pressing on.
at that point in time, i felt this prompting to read out the lines of the song “God of my forever” and to really mean every word i said. and everytime i finish reading a line, i was to reflect on that line and let the meaning of this song really sink into my heart.
so i read “God of my youth i remember your call on my life took me over”… when i read that line, it didnt seem anything much to me at first. but as i reflected and thought back, this line became the line that really struck me the most. God spoke to me and reminded me of the callings He has for me in my life. only at this point of time did i realise that God has actually called me to do many great and wonderful things for Him! i really didnt realise that!
and then i realised that it was becoz of His callings for me, i decided to stay by God’s side and let Him take control of my life… to steer me in the direction that He wants me to go. i never knew that in God’s eyes, i was so capable that God actually had the confidence to entrust me with such callings. i never knew in the eyes of my Abba Father, i was so worthy of all these callings. i never knew in my Daddy’s eyes, i could do great things for Him.. to bring Him so much glory and honour. and it was becoz of my passion for God, my passion to see my destiny that God has for me to come to past, God totally won me over.
i never knew that God wanted to do so much thru me becoz of my willingness. but in times when i was so unfaithful, not having quality and regular QT, disobeying God, sinning agst God, not putting Him top priority in my life, lacking spiritual discipline etc, God still trusted me that one day, i will still go back into His presence every single day and live out the calling He has for me. God didnt take His calling away from me, but instead, even when i was so unworthy, God still reminded me that i am going to doing great and mighty exploits for Him.
as i reflected on this line, tears just streamed down my eyes. i can never really thank God enough for all His goodness towards me. even when my heart has turned cold towards Him in the past, even when i was unfaithful, even when i lost my fire for Him, but God was still faithful to me.. God still wanted me to fulfil the callings He has in my life. thank You Jesus.
then i carried on reading “Your love has seen me through all my days”.. indeed, without God’s love, how could i go on each and every day? without God’s love, how could my life the past 2 yrs be so meaningful? without God’s love, i would have just been an empty soul… without God’s love, i may have committed suicide… but it was precisely becoz of God’s unconditional and never-changing love that filled my heart and soul..
“I stand here by Your grace”… it’s certainly becoz of God’s grace that i’m still able to live and get to know Him.. it’s becoz of His grace, that i’m able to come into His presence… without His grace, i would be so unworthy of all His goodness towards me.
“on this altar i’ve written my life tells of a story i have with You my Lord”… i remember very clearly when i first came to God, i wrote my name and lifted my life unto His altar… many times, i kept surrendering my life to God.. many times, i kept telling God that i put my life on His altar.. i wanna surrender everything to Him… and it’s becoz God is in my life, my life became a beautiful story that i have with my Lord Jesus Christ… without God, my life wouldnt have been a beautiful story, instead it would have just been a selfish story of me, myself and i.. but becoz my life now is a story with God, this story is re-written so beautifully becoz the author of this story is none other than my dearest Daddy… (:
“I want the world to know”… yes, i want the whole world to know my beautiful story with God! i want the whole world to noe who my wonderful Father is! and i want the whole world to come to my Daddy and get to experience and noe Him for themselves.. to start writing their beautiful stories with God too!
“God of my forever”… forever noes no time.. God is with me till eternity… as long as the world still exists, God is with me! God is with me now, God will be with me when i die, and when i die, i’ll get to be with God! how wonderful is that? God is with me and it just goes on and on and on… no end to that at all!
“and forever I’m with You”… u noe.. when i read this line, i was thinking, isit God saying that forever He will be with me? or isit me saying that God, forever i wanna be with You.. forever i wanna be by Your side? and then it occurred to me that it works in both ways! to be at someone’s side forever, it will take both parties for that to happen! God will forever be by my side and so will i… i really never want to leave God becoz i can never bear to do that.
“my life is saved with a price Your sacrifice redeemed my soul”… becoz Jesus died on the cross for me, i can live. that was the price that Jesus was willing to pay for me and all of us out that.. and becoz of tat, my life is just so precious. how can i possibly just take my own life away? my life came with a price.. my life was built on the sacrifice of my Almighty God. how can i possibly just let His sacrifice go to waste? and isnt this a reason that will suffice the need for us all to live our lives to the fullest and to go in the destiny that God wants us to go?
“God of my forever and forever i will sing my greatest honour will always be to serve my Lord and King”… indeed, that’s my greatest honour. for all that He has done, He deserves all the praise, honour and glory.. He deserves my service towards Him… to come humbly before Him and offer my life to Him.. (:
“God of my life i surrender my heart finds it rest in Your word”… i can surrender EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to God becoz He is the ultimate peace that my soul can find.. and becoz God is peace, my heart is able to find rest… and in His word, peace comes into my soul as well.. where else can my heart find rest? where else can my heart find peace? where else can my heart go when it feels burdened? no where else, but in the presence of God and in His word…
“praises will not be enough to show how my love for You has grown”… indeed, no matter how much praises i sing, it will NEVER EVER be enough to show and tell the whole world how my love for You has been growing deeper and deeper as each day passes… but becoz God search right deep into my heart, only He noes how much i really wanna praise Him.. how much i really wanna show that I LOVE HIM! (:
“nothing matters when You’re here with me”… even if the whole world turns their backs agst me, really, it doesnt matter becoz God is with me… God is fighting for me.. God is comforting me.. God is here for me.. God is helping me.. God is seeing me through all the days, hours, mins, secs of my life… if i have God, wat else is there that will matter more to me? but becoz i have God, my life is complete… becoz i have God, everything else aint that impt anymore.. becoz i have God, i will still be able to stay strong in times of trials and tribulations.. (:
“in the end just to hear you say WELL DONE bowing before Your throne”… yes, when i come before God, that’s all that matters to me.. to hear Him say well done My good and faithful servant.. there is nothing more that matters to me except to noe that i have plsed my dearest Daddy.. (:
and so…
my dearest owner left today.
dunno when i’ll get to ever see her again.
i’m feeling quite lost actually..
feeling a little out of place..
suddenly, it feels like i’ve got no one to run to tho yes, i noe i can always run to God..
suddenly, it feels like i’ve got no one to run to tho yes, i noe i can always run to God..
suddenly, it feels like as tho i’ve lost someone very precious to me.
and yes, i cried buckets.
no one for me to call ‘OWNER!’ in church.
no one to whine to.
no one to tok over the phone.
no one to go kuku with.
yes, she made a HUGE impact in my life.
she gave me a postcard which i cant bear to read again.
i’ll just cry even more buckets.
i think today i cried the most in 19yrs.
i admit i aint taking this too well.
there’s this tinge of regret in me.
and i miss my dearest owner alr.
i’m so emo sometimes i cant stand myself.
i’m such a watertap. )’:
and i miss my dearest owner alr.
i’m so emo sometimes i cant stand myself.
i’m such a watertap. )’:
empyreal radiance 